Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
