using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
