If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
