Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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