so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
