wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
