If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was CRYING into my vagina
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
