What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
