Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
