This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
