The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
