is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
