I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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