It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
