i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it glows. i had to have it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
