just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Farmville is her only friend.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
