If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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