i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
