he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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