It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The air was thick with penises
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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