im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
