I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
