maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
