My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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