I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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