fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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