Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
