i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
