we have officially lost it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
