ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
