Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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