tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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