check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
