Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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