can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
