Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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