I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
