Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
