Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
