i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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