The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's Friday. Sex?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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