Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
