He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
