the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
