i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
