i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
