I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize