based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
