She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
