Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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