so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
