Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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