We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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