is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
