Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
