How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
