I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
