my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
