did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
