im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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