We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
