thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
