i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
