i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
