I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
