you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so much tequila, so little girl.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
