best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's blow job season.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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