It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
