If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
