Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
