false alarm. still invincible.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
