i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
