i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
