Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
