Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
