I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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