remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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