Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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