i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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