guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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