did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize