Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What a dumb baby whore.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
