So drunk its hurt
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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