so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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