I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
