That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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