Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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