Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
