my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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