if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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