By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
