I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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