Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
