Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
