i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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