in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
