a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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