I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
