I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
