You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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