how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
