i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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