I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
