Don't you send me to vm
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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