I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
