She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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