I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
