She is in my trunk
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
