I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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