shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
