the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
