If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
