I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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