the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
