she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
