one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
