I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
