wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
