K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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