you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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