apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
