I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize